The Body As An Altar: 90-Day Rest & Rebirth - Week TWO

Week two

Confronting old beliefs

I forgot to mention last week that one of the thoughts I had was about how it feels to really be supported during these past three years. I struggled with the thought of possibly closing my business because there were so many changes happening within myself that simultaneously changed and was in conflict with the way I related to my work. I felt like what I wanted to do wouldn’t be profitable because I couldn’t even figure out how to get people to understand what my vision is. I want to make sure I make sense and people “get it”. I was feeling the pressures to figure something out financially, too. Resource management has been a huge highlight of these last few years. I applied to jobs only to then not feel it was correct for me to follow through with them. Sure, I could do the job, but I didn’t really want to give up on my business and I didn’t really want to work outside the home. I didn’t desire to do physically laborious work. Plus, I knew energetically that while I am feeling those pressures, they aren’t actually mine. They are pressures from those around me. I checked in with my authority (self-projected projector here) and the answer was to be patient, work on my craft and rest.

Through resting and not moving forward with those jobs, I did receive invitations that allowed me to receive payment for work that I enjoyed doing and allowed me to still be around for my kids and household. Plus, I could work on the projects when it was convenient for me versus having to clock in each day.

Mentally, it’s been a struggle to stand firm in my faith that this is just a moment in time— this isn’t going to be forever. I thought about how any time I talked about my business, I would wait for my family to tell me that I should probably go get a job and that moment never came. Even as there are challenges, they’ve allowed me to make mistakes and learn lessons. I truly needed them to believe in me and my unique path. While I’m not making as much money as I’d like, I am aligning with work that feels correct and working with people that acknowledge my talents and appreciate what I have to offer and compensate appropriately, I’m building something that will be able to stand the tests of time and there are many paths I can take to fund my vision and legacy.

loving yourself through the challenges

It’s been vital for me to journal my thoughts. Even more so it’s been helpful to receive the answers to the questions I have in my personal life. Since learning Human Design, it’s made more and more sense to me why I need to write in order to ground myself— I can get too into my head (thanks to my Undefined Head Center) and a lot of times it’s not even my thoughts or questions I’m searching answers for.

Sometimes, I’m feeling the pressure to figure things out for someone else’s confusion or lack of faith.

Along with journaling, using cards (tarot or oracle cards) has helped me to tune into my intuition more deeply. There’s something about having a tangible representation of the energy at play. It just helps me to see the bigger picture, the bigger tapestry of life that is woven into each moment. I’ve been using cards for about four years now. In 2020 and 2021, I kept journals dedicated to recording the card pulls I received and the interpretation I had of them. Usually, I would use keywords to help me gather the message, and then, I’d see how it’s all coming together for one big purpose. By being able to see things more objectively, I’m able to be more self compassionate and coach myself through the intruding thoughts that creep into my mind. I’m able to focus my attention on the lessons that are currently unfolding and cheer myself on and reflect on the journey and celebrate the things I’ve accomplished.

celebrating and accepting what is

This week, we had the New Moon in Sagittarius which is the first moon after the last set of Eclipses for this year. One of the recurring topics that came up this week was around my family history and the beliefs and psychological conditioning that’s been present for decades, maybe even centuries. I’d been gathering my family’s birth info for the last few years to deconstruct and connect with the energy of their charts. I only have one living grandparent who, unfortunately, I’m estranged from and we didn’t have the closest relationship to begin with.

There are so many questions and so many words left unsaid and stories left untold.

I decided to use my ever-growing knowledge of Astrology and now, Human Design to try to connect the dots for my own understanding. I’m using the information I do have such as stories my parents told me and the documents and photos they still have of our ancestors.

Part of this self-love journey is also extending love to those who may not be able to love themselves.

Celebrating a holiday such as Thanksgiving, aside from its historical significance and disgraceful roots, it holds a space in my heart for the experience of family togetherness. The holidays weren’t always pleasant as a child but there were some that held the embodiment of what it truly means to be a family for me: a support system, a system of love.

It took me having a child and now children of my own to be able to create a space for my divorced parents to gather with me and share pleasant memories together. In my home, there is no malice, only acceptance, and compassion. Of course, anger and disappointment are welcome here. Those feelings are valid, but at the end of the day, we are able to hold space for those feelings to come and go. They serve their purpose when they show up and aren’t always meant to be projected outward but rather reflected on in another smaller, intimate bubble of safety. That’s what I strive to provide and have been able to provide for my family.

Moving into next week

We still have some more time in the Sacral Center as we wrap up the Sun’s time in Gate 34, the Gate of Power, and transition into Gate 9, the Gate of Focus, on Nov. 27th. The way I see it, we are harnessing the energy of making things happen and then we are shifting into aiming our bow and arrow toward the direction we seek to focus our energy. Right now, I have a lot of things that I’m seeking clarity on so I’m looking forward to the Sun entering Gate 9 to help me begin to narrow these all down to something more specific.

Plus, Mercury and Venus already have us sneak peeks of the energy when they were there last week. Now, they both are in Gate 5, also in the Sacral. We have a lot of Line 1 energy going which paired with Sagittarius’ desire to find the truth of life, we are uncovering so much for ourselves by investigating and doing the ground work to get satisfactory answers.

I hope your weekend is off to a great start and you are get as much rest as possible. Talk to you next week and have a great weekend!